


Pics Or It Didn't Happen

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Cards Against Humanity, Gen, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 02:12:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11198292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Pics Or It Didn't Happen

“Okay, so this game is completely and totally subjective?” Rossi asked confused after Morgan explained the rules for the second time.

It was a wonder you’d all managed to get Rossi and to come. Hotch was home with Jack because Jack was having a sleepover and Hotch was having a sleepover of his own with Beth, so no one thought you’d be able to convince Rossi to come play this fucked up game. “Yes, Rossi,” you laughed, taking a sip of wine as you passed out the cards. “Each one of us gets ten white cards. There’s one black card that everyone has to ‘complete’ with one of our white cards. Then the ‘Card Czar’ which changes with each round, picks whatever answer they think is the funniest. The goal is to get each other to laugh. We all clear?”

Rossi shrugged. Garcia excitedly shuffled through her cards. Morgan had the same smirk he always did when he assumed he was going to win. JJ and Emily both had game faces on and you and Spencer were quietly sipping at the wine and beed you’d chosen for the night.

Finally, the cards were dealt and the game could begin. “Okay, Rossi, you can be the ‘Card Czar’ first, so you’re not going to put down an answer, you’ll just judge ours.”

“That I can do,” he said snarkily, as he took a swig of the wonderfully-aged bourbon he’d brought from home. “The first card is What’s that sound?”

Everyone glanced between each other and the cards and everyone put down their answers. It was going to be funny to have Rossi read some of these out loud. “Okay, here we go. What’s that sound? I’m gonna guess who’s who. Crushing the patriarchy. That has to be Emily. The new Radiohead album. I feel like that’s JJ. A cop who is also a dog. That has to be Garcia. Even more money. I bet that’s Y/N. Morgan’s has to be the one that I refuse to speak out loud, which leaves Spencer’s, the one I’m gonna pick beep beep boop beep boop.”

Spencer started to snicker under his breath. As his best friend in the entire world, you would’ve easily picked that one out as his. He was probably thinking of Doctor Who. “Emily’s was my next pick with crushing the patriarchy.” She couldn’t help but pump her fists in the air and take a bow. 

As the night wore on, you traded the ‘Card Czar’ position. Everyone knew who to save the dirty answers for - it was whenever Emily and Morgan were the Card Czars. Something none of them expected however, was that you and Spencer would also pull the dirty cards out. When Emily had the card, Feeling so Grateful #amazing #mylife #blank, you’d put down #having sex with a man and then eating his head, and Spencer, of all fucking people, put down #setting my balls on fire and cartwheeling to Ohio. “Oh my god,” Emily screeched. “I thought that was Morgan. Reid?” 

“This is fun,” he said, finishing the rest of his beer. “I get to surprise you all.” You also tended to bring out the dirty answers when Spencer was choosing because it was always fun to make him read the dirty cards aloud. “My turn.” The card wasn’t all that great and most people’s answer sucked and weren’t funny, but the last card was “Three dicks at the same time, nice,” Spencer said. “That has to be Y/N and it’s by far the funniest.”

“What is with you two?” JJ cried, throwing her hands up in the air so fast she nearly lost her booze. Garcia was just sitting there slack jawed, unable to figure out how the two seemingly innocent ones were pulling the dirtiest cards, and Morgan kept slapping Spencer on the back with each dirty card he pulled. Rossi on the other hand was stilling downing bourbon and looking at you all like he was an exhausted father trying to keep his kids in line. 

“Just because you think we’re innocent, doesn’t mean we actually are,” Spencer laughed, giggling so hard he fell backwards onto the floor. Reaching between you, you clinked your wine glass against Spencer’s beer bottle. 

You couldn’t help but smirk at everyone’s surprised faces. “This is fun,” you snickered. “Let’s keep going. I’m the Czar now bitches.” This is how every game of Cards Against Humanity went, every single time, no matter who was playing it. The game started off with everyone trying to make sense, and by the end, it evolved into who could be the dirtiest. “The card this round is…Oh no, Siri, how do I fix…? And go!”

By the looks on everyone’s faces, you could tell this was gonna be a good round. “Everyone’s got dirty cards, I can tell. I’m just gonna read off the six cards.” You paused, noticing the theme for this round was apparently anal sex or butt stuff of some kind. “Crazy anal orgasms, a finger up the butt, anal beads, what the fuck, people, unsheathing my massive horse cock, a medium horchata, and the ukulele version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Oh my god, guys.” Rossi was flabbergasted. If he ever looked at you all the same way again it would be a miracle. 

For a few moments, you just looked around, trying to gauge who picked what card. “I’m assuming Rossi picked a medium horchata.”

“Wrong,” he smiled, reaching out to pick the anal beads card. 

“Ahhhh!!!!” 

Everyone fell back in peels of laughter. Rossi? Really? Who were any of you kidding? Rossi was no doubt into some shit back in the day. It took a good five minutes for everyone to stop laughing, and Rossi to pour himself another bourbon before you could pick the winner. “This is too hard. It’s stumping me. My guess is that Somewhere Over the Rainbow is Garcia.” She nodded her head, sweetly taking her card back. “My winner is unsheathing my massive horse cock.”

From the side, came Spencer’s hand, grabbing his card with the biggest grin on his face. “Oh my god, Spence.” You snorted so hard, wine came out of your nose. “Pics or it didn’t happen!”

“Y/N, I am so drunk right now. Don’t tempt me.”

This game was probably going to end soon because no one could keep a poker face anymore. Spencer couldn’t stop laughing, and seeing him so drunk and happy made you giggle. You couldn’t control yourselves. Somewhere in the background, you heard Emily say something about how you wanted to tap that - which you wouldn’t deny. Morgan kept yelling for Spencer to take you into a room and pull down his pants. Rossi, of course, sipped at his bourbon with all the exasperation of a single father who couldn’t keep his kids in line, and JJ and Garcia were just sitting back and thoroughly enjoying everyone’s drunkenness. “We need to get them drunk more often,” Garcia laughed.


End file.
